Alder Chu Oral History Interview, February 24, 2024

JOZIE BILLINGS: Okay. Today is February 24th, 2024. I am here with Alder Chu over zoom and we are- well, I'm in Corvallis today. Where are you at today?

ALDER CHU: Also Corvallis.

JB: My name is Jozie Billings and we are doing this interview as a part of my honors thesis project, Beyond the Binary, welcome to the interview. All right, so to start, you want to just reiterate for the interview, how you identify and what your pronouns are?

AC: My name is Alder. I identify as like trans, non-binary, genderqueer. My pronouns are he/they.

JB: All right. Okay, so let's just start with the beginning-your childhood, that is. What was it like for you? Like, were there any formative experiences for your gender? Or, like, what activities were you involved in? Stuff like that.

AC: I don't know a lot about activities. I remember a little bit about like, I don't know about gender specific activities, but, mostly I think of like...I don't know. Just, like playing as a kid and stuff. But I don't really remember anything from being small correlated with gender identity. Like, I don't think I thought about that a lot, a lot as a kid.

JB: What kind of things did you play?

AC: A lot of digging holes in the ground and building, like, little fairy houses and stuff.

JB: That cute. All right. Well, when did you, like, start your gender exploration process then?

AC: In sixth grade. I think like the beginning of sixth grade, I joined the GSA at my school. And then really quickly after that was like, oh, there's like gender options. And I started identifying as non-binary then.

JB: So, like, what is, what is euphoric to you in terms of your gender and what is dysphoric?

AC: I think, for euphoric stuff, I think of like, being gendered correctly by others and like looking in the mirror and seeing myself like more masculine or androgynous, than feminine. [Unintelligble]

JB: All right, do you think there were, any other significant influences on your gender? Like maybe where you were born? Like, what religion your family was. Maybe a job you had. Anything like that?

AC: I don't know about this specifically, but, like over middle and high school I had some kind of like going back and forth because I was, I was kind of in the closet at home and then out at school. And I think that did have an influence on how I perceive, like, being out to other people about my gender.

JB: Yeah. You mentioned you were in GSA at school. Can you talk a little bit more about that?

AC: Yeah, it was just like a bunch of queer and mostly trans middle schoolers and... but, we didn't really do that much. It was mostly just like a little social group. But I think from that I was like, able to more openly connect with queer students. Yeah.

JB: Yeah, okay. So, do you think there are any, like, role models for masculinity in your life that you really looked up to?

AC: Sure. I don't think I really. I don't think I've really thought of role models in terms of like, modeling specific genders, I guess I don't know.

JB: Okay. That's ok. Where you, like, involved in online spaces in any way? Or like how does social media impact you?

AC: I've definitely been involved in online spaces, like, since middle school. Probably, I guess, but I've. I think since. But in middle school I was like, as non-binary for a bit. And then I kind of went back to being a cis-girl for a while. And then towards the end of middle school, I started thinking of myself as non-binary and trans again. And I was like out in online groups as that, but in person at school until like maybe my sophomore or junior year of high school, I was still presenting as cis at school. And so, I think for a while, like online groups were the only-that was like a space I had where I could use different pronouns. Mostly because I was around other queer people online without it being like a big thing. And so I could kind of explore my gender identity that way.

JB: So those were, those spaces were mostly like positive experiences for you?

AC: Some positive, some negative. I think I definitely have some like, residual stuff I'm still mostly over from then. But like ideas of what being trans specifically has to look like from there. And I feel like most of that I've left behind from middle and high school, but there were still some negative effects from... yeah.

JB: Can you talk a little bit about, like what that was? Like, like how they try to, like, constrain transness, I guess?

AC: Yeah, I think there's like some prevalent ideas of specifically like...if you're trans, it has to be defined by... I don't know. Like, more about not like making trans people fit into a "cis-het and everything else" society and like so if you're trans, your transition goal has to be just like stereotypical cis-man or stereotypical cis-woman. And then that's usually, also like, pretty white in terms of transition goal and stuff, and it doesn't leave a lot of room for like, having fun with your gender presentation or identity. So, like that, I don't know, that's one of the ideas that's kind of prevalent.

JB: So you said you, you've moved on from there. So, like, how do you like to have fun with your gender expression?

AC: I feel like most of... Initially I was trying to be masculine in a way that's just like. Clothes that were kind of boring or masculine--boring and masculine and like, nondescript. And so, I think, I have, part of, like in college, I've been trying to wear things that are like fun to wear and also make me feel gender euphoria and not just feel like they're fitting into masculine constraints because, like, I can do whatever I want. I don't have to just be wearing, like, t-shirt and pants all the time.

JB: What are some of those things that you wear?

AC: I have this. I think it's kind of fun. I got some cool jeans that are, like, embroidered with all of these flowers at the beginning of the year. Just stuff like that. Like, I think I wasn't wearing that much color in high school. And so, it's fun to be able to do that or to feel more comfortable doing that here.

JB: So you said you do that here. So, like that, like happened, like after you moved out and started going to college?

AC: I was still. I think I still had like. Partway through high school I was like, kind of done with the idea that I needed to be looking and dressing a certain way in order to, like, be trans, but I was still kind of looking and dressing that way anyway. And so, it was like the first week here, there were some, there were a lot of like thrift store things and clothing swaps. And I was like, oh, there's cool stuff here. So, I think I've sort of started to change my presentation a bit since getting to college.

JB: And like, overall, how's OSU been for you?

AC: I, I feel more. Like my gender identity is more seen here, but I'm also specifically on the Pride floor of the dorm. So, like most of my friends and neighbors are trans and gender queer and non-binary and stuff. So, I feel like with that specifically, I feel, a lot more seen. And if I'm, I still will like, get misgendered and deadnamed in class sometimes, but because of the community I have here specifically like it, it makes that more tolerable.

JB: I've, I didn't actually know we had a pride floor in the dorms, but, like what's that experience like?

AC: We like, talk to each other. Like I know most of my neighbors on this side and the other wing of the floor. And I get the impression that that's not normal for dorms, but I don't know. We use the common room a lot and I don't see other floors using their common room very often. But it's like decorated and I... the first week of school, we had some sort of tea party thing that like half of the floor was at, and that kind of kicked off us socializing with each other. So, I don't know. I've made good friends here.

JB: That's nice. Would you, would you recommend it to incoming queer OSU students?

AC: Yeah.

JB: Nice. Okay. Well, we can talk about your object now. What did you bring today?

AC: Yes. Which is, it's not actually trans tape, it's off brand trans tape and it's blue. But it's for binding, like, for like taping your chest. And I picked it as my object because it is, it's like partially the, about gender expression, like masculinizing. But, also I have to get more of it recently, and I got the bright blue kind instead of the beige kind because I thought it would be fun. So, partially about the gender expression and also just having fun with it.

JB: Why do you choose to use that over like a binder or something like that?

AC: I also have a couple of binders. I kind of switch out which ones I use or like if I'm binding with a blender with this, but my binders are beige. So it's like, I don't know, those are less fun in terms of color and also kind of restricting in shoulder movements.

JB: Yeah, you keep bringing up color a lot. I'm just kind of curious what your favorite color is.

AC: Just colorfulness. I don't know if I have a specific favorite color.

JB: Interesting. What colors are you drawn to the most?

AC: I don't know. I if I have to like decorate something. I have been recently just doing stuff in pink and blue and white just to like add elements of the trans flag to things, because that's fun. I, there was this wizard battle thing on campus.

JB: Yeah!

AC: Did you go to that?

JB: No, I didn't, but I saw the-

AC: See the signs about it? It was basically just a game of capture the flag. But my friends and I did a bunch of craft stuff for wizard costumes, and I made a wizard hat and put it in trans colors. Because why not?

JB: Yeah, I saw that wizard battle-huh?

AC: Oh, if I like, decorate things in colors, it's fun to just do it in the trans flag. But I don't always do that.

JB: Yeah, I saw the wizard battle stuff last year too, and I was like, it's so creative, of like the OSU community to do that. And they have a hobbit market in the spring too. That's really fun too.

AC: I didn't know that.

JB: Yeah. I think it's in May or something. I feel like that's all the questions I had. Do you. Do you have anything else to add?

AC: I don't know. I'm just looking at the email of the questions. [Shrugs] I don't know if I have anything else to add.

JB: All right. That's okay. Well, if you ever think of anything else to add just let me know, we can do another interview. All right. Thank you for doing this, though.